


Behind the Scenes

by BelWatson



Category: GOT7
Genre: Friends to Lovers, I'm not sure yet, M/M, it's basically fluff, perhaps the others
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-11 20:43:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7069240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BelWatson/pseuds/BelWatson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It only really feels like I’m back home when you greet me,” Jackson comments. “You’re the best at welcoming people.”</p><p>Mark smiles as his heart stirs. Sometimes he wonders if Jackson feels the same way. There are days he thinks so, then there are others when he is sure that’s not the case and he’s reading too much into it. But he never dwells on that too much, because why even trying? It’s too complex. Too painful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome Home

**Author's Note:**

> I started this with a one shot in mind, but it seems it needs more build up how from friends they become lovers. And I just wanted to write more Markson because feels and I can.
> 
> If you enjoy, please subscribe. Comments make updates come fast. I'm pretty sure this will be just a short fic, like five chapters or so. Light and fluff.
> 
> You also find this on AsianFanfics.com
> 
> Bel, xx

With GOT7’s increasing popularity came increasingly packed schedules. Not for all, of course. Despite all their hard work, it couldn’t be helped that some were more talented than others. It was a fact, for instance, that Youngjae had the powerful vocals and that Yugyeom was the best dancer, that Jaebum was a complete package and Jinyoung was the best actor. BamBam was the fashion addict who was aiming to become a fashion icon. Jackson was the variety shows king. And Mark… Mark was just Mark. Aside from being the visual, which wasn’t a talent but sheer luck with his genetic sequence, what else was he talented at? What did he exceed at? Everyone had something they were _great_ at, everyone but Mark.

Mark isn’t talkative so he doesn’t make a good MC, he’s the type to listen and react more than keep the conversation going. Mark can’t really sing and although he raps, like Jackson clearly states as well, they aren’t _rappers_ per se. They can’t freestyle or do like other rappers actually do, which is incredible and makes Mark very envious. Mark dances and does tricks, but not every kind of trick. Just some flips here and there, cart-wheels and more. But he’s not even doing those anymore because they take too much on him. So being the flying boy isn’t a thing anymore, as their choreographies don’t require his martial art tricks anymore. Or more like they can’t insert his cereal tricks in them anymore.

So what can Mark offer aside from doing aegyo? What’s his talent? 

He is popular because of his looks, but that is hardly satisfying, he doesn’t want to be an idol who’s just good looking, and he doesn’t want to feel like he’s the most useless member in the group. That doesn’t mean he wants another member to feel like that! It just means he wants to feel useful. No, not useful, he wants to feel _necessary_ , like he actually adds something that no one else can into their dynamic.

Mark is put for different schedules, but he clearly doesn’t nail them as the others would. He isn’t as suited as the others for all the other tasks that come with being an entertainer.

It makes Mark very upset at night, when he’s alone, thinking while the others are busy. He can’t even make entertaining V App broadcasts! How can he get GOT7 more fans like the others do?

Like Jackson… Jackson who, in JY Park’s words, does everything well. But Mark feels even those words fall short, because Jackson does everything remarkably well, both in Korea and China, making him a raising star. He earns love and praise wherever he goes, charming everyone with his loud and friendly personality, making people laugh and have a good time. Impressing them with his skills and stories that are not normally out there. Like when he shares he rejected a fencing scholarship in Stanford because he wanted to be an idol. When he showed that vulnerability but at the same time his passion and commitment for what he does now. Mark is sure everyone who saw that moment, saw Jackson’s fidgeting and sharing that part of his story, fell in love with him.

Mark surely did. More so than he already is. 

Jackson exceeds everyone in passion, charisma, energy and commitment. And Mark wishes he were just a bit like Jackson. Mark wants to feel outstanding in something, confident in at least one thing. He wants to feel talented instead of regarded just as the pretty boy.

Is that too greedy of him?

A heavy sigh escapes his lips as he just lies in bed, looking at the ceiling. He’s gone through this SNS accounts two times already, so he has nothing else to do. And everyone is busy with their own things, so all he has is Coco who is currently sleeping on his chest while he absentmindedly runs his fingers through the soft, now short, fur. He finds the dog’s ears the most endearing part of Coco, and likes playing with them.

How long has he been at that? All because he’s wondering about Jackson who’s, once again, supposed to come from shooting another episode of that Chinese variety show. He always gets back home late and Mark barely gets a glimpse of the Hong Kong native when they have free time, because Jackson doesn’t have free time. He’s always doing something.

Honestly, if Mark really wants to see Jackson his best bet is to actually go as audience to a show.

Mark was actually jealous of Joonheon when he and Jackson were paired for _Celebrity Bromance._ They were actually told to go on a date and have fun together, being their usual selves while being recorded for the fans and edited together in five episodes. Mark wished it had been him instead of Joonheon, but what would say that of GOT7? That they weren’t close? It wasn’t that, they were close, extremely so, like a family, but Mark missed Jackson so much at the dorm. Mark wanted to go on a date like that, getting dinner at their favourite place, hiking to enjoy the night view, surprising him at his shooting location the next day. He wanted to do all that.

He wanted to make Jackson’s heart flutter.

But Mark wasn’t even going to ever be on _Celebrity Romance_ , because in all honesty, if they didn’t pair him with Jackson everything would be really boring. As Jinyoung had said, Mark needed someone talkative to keep things fun. Oh, of course he hadn’t said it like _that_ , Mark was just rephrasing it as he remembered it. Which brings him back to the point where he is useless because aside from performing with GOT7, there is nothing else he can do on his own.

The boy spends hours musing over that, trying to find his own talent, something he’s good at, but nothing is useful for his career. He can eat loads without gaining any weight because his ultra fast metabolism, which makes Jackson and Youngjae very jealous as he’s never put on a stupid diet. But even if Mark wanted to have an eating show he was told not to. An eating show actually required him to also talk, not just eat, even if that seemed the general idea of it. It’s supposed to entertain the viewers, not just fill his stomach.

Maybe Mark is being harsher on himself, because he isn’t exactly useless, he logically knows that, but he’s thinking too much because he has nothing else to do and he’s bored and not sleepy at all. It’s better when he doesn’t think at all.

It’s past one am when the door to the room opens and someone quietly comes in, not even turning on the light but Mark is awake, so it’s pointless. Through the gap of the door, the light from the corridor comes in and it’s enough for Mark to see it’s Jackson. The smile on his lips is automatic as something stirs in him. Like a school boy, Mark feels butterflies at the knowledge Jackson is back home and not only that, he’s come into the room. Even if they don’t share anymore, Jackson’s things are there still.

“Gaga,” Mark calls happily but in a whisper, carefully putting Coco aside.

“Oh, you’re awake,” Jackson replies, stopping his tiptoeing and walking normally, throwing his jacket to a side as Mark stands up and walks up to him. “I thought you were sleeping, the guys said you went to bed early, but I still wanted to make sure and—”

Mark cuts him in by throwing his arms around the slightly shorter boy, pulling him close in a tight embrace. Jackson is surprise at first, but it only lasts a pair of heartbeats before he relaxes and leans on Mark, returning the hug.

Jackson gives the best hugs, Marks thinks. They are always warm and tight and even if he's a bit shorter than Mark, the older boy feels like he can melt against Jackson and live curled around him forever. No matter what awkward position, it’s somehow always comfortable next to Jackson. Whether it’s Jackson on his lap, or his legs over him, or Mark’s arms around Jackson’s waist as they sit on a sofa where there’s enough space for other three people but they still cuddle. Whether they are in a tangled mess on the dorm sofa watching a movie. Or crashed together waiting at the airport or even on the plane, when they are sat together (they constantly switch seats so it’s never the same). No matte what, hugging Jackson is always the best.

“Welcome home,” Mark announces, his face in the crook of Jackson’s shoulder. “Did you work hard?”

“I could’ve done better,” Jackson comments seriously, a bit deflated so Mark pulls away just enough to see at the younger boy’s face. The curtains are open, the door is slightly open too, so light filters from both sides enough to dimly illuminate the room and allow Mark to make out Jackson’s worried expression.

Mark smiles as he works in his head the words to make Jackson feel better.

Jackson is always fishing for compliments, and even if he exaggerates that on camera to make it funny and adorable, it’s actually a need for him. Jackson, despite his wild and outgoing personality, despite how confident he looks, is extremely vulnerable. He is so self-conscious, so he works out even more to overcome that. He easily feels put down when people insult him or laugh at him and he actually listens to them, thinking they are right and he should change. Should improve. Jackson is so soft-hearted and precious, so when he fishes for compliments he doesn’t just do it because he wants to hear he did great, he actually needs reassurance that he is doing fine. That he is okay.

Mark always marvels and worries at the fact that Jackson can be so soft and vulnerable when he looks and acts like he’s the king in front of the cameras. It makes him such a complex and wonderful person to get to know and be around, and it makes Mark love Jackson even more, wanting to reassure him that in his eyes, Jackson is the most wonderful person on the world.

More often than not, Mark stares at Jackson with such admiration and love in his eyes, and quite a few times pictures have been snapped that prove that adoration. However, most of the time, the most lovestruck looks come when they are alone and Jackson isn’t wearing his stage persona. When Jackson is just completely Jackson.

“I’m sure you did wonderful. I can’t wait for the episode to come out,” Mark reassures him, his hands firm on Jackson’s biceps in a reassuring gesture.

“I still feel like I should do more, but I don’t know what else I can offer.”

Mark smiles as he realises even Jackson, who he thinks is the most talented and wonderful person he’s ever met, struggles with feeling not enough. He also feels the pressure. It’s reassuring and comforting that what he feels isn't just his thing, that it’s normal. Although he hates that Jackson actually feels like that.

What a paradox, isn’t it?

“You already give so much, Gaga,” Mark begins, smiling warmly. “You work so hard to make people happy. I hope you don’t feel like you’re not doing enough.” Jackson’s guilty expression, which reminds him so much of a dog being scolded (not Coco though, Coco always looks proud of whatever mess she’s done) makes Mark’s heart flip. “You are enough, but if you want to do even more, that’s okay, too. Don’t force yourself into it, because your best attribute is that you’re natural, Jacks. You’re honest and earnest, and people see that.”

Jackson smiles, his eyes seem to gleam with happiness and sentiment. It’s not the first time Mark reminds him that Jackson just has to be himself because his natural charisma always wins everyone over. The older boy should be tired of repeating that so many times, but he’s not, because no matter how many times he utters the same words, Jackson’s expression after hearing it is always beautiful and worth it, and Mark loves seeing Jackson happy.

“You know I’m your biggest fan,” Mark reminds him, smiling so fondly.

“No, that’s my mum,” Jackson protests and Mark has to roll his eyes.

“I’m your biggest male fan, then,” Mark tries again, but Jackson is grinning now.

“No, that’s my dad.”

Mark actually groans this time. “Fine! I’m your biggest fan after your parents!”

“Oh, but my aunt actually—”

“Jackson!” Mark protests, not really annoyed because he knows Jackson is just teasing him, which is evident when he just laughs in that high pitched and so contagious way that makes Mark smile too.

“I know,” Jackson finally admits after his laughter fades away, stepping in closer to hug Mark again. The older boy rubs his hands on the younger’s back, reassuringly. “I missed you a lot,” Jackson muses a bit later, sighing content and not pulling away. “I missed home.”

“Me too, I’m glad you’re back,” Mark replies, placing a kiss agains’t Jackson’s temple and can feel the way the younger’s lips tug in a smile.

Being so affectionate like this has never been an issue between them and after so many years, it’s become natural. Hugs, platonic kisses, reassuring caresses. It’s all natural for them, their dynamic has always been like that.

“It only really feels like I’m back home when you greet me,” Jackson comments. “You’re the best at welcoming people.”

Mark smiles as his heart stirs. Sometimes he wonders if Jackson feels the same way. There are days he thinks so, then there are others when he is sure that’s not the case and he’s reading too much into it. But he never dwells on that too much, because why even trying? It’s too complex. Too painful.

So he pushes those thoughts aside and just relishes on the fact that Mark is the best at something, according to Jackson, which totally counts for him.

Mark hugs Jackson even tighter, knowing the boy is so tired by the way he leans on the older almost completely.

“Let’s get you to bed, you need your rest,” Mark whispers, patting Jackson’s back lightly.

Reluctantly, Jackson pulls away and nods, so Mark is left to guide Jackson to the bathroom to let him do his night routine while he gets some sweatpants and tank top for the younger, getting the bed ready for him. All the time, Mark wears a smile, feeling happy he can take care of Jackson in any possible way. At least, there’s that he can do for his band, even if it’s behind the scenes.


	2. Loving Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That’s how deeply he loves the younger boy. It’s a kind of love he’s proud of because it feels so pure and beautiful. His feelings for Jackson are the most beautiful ones."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the title of the story because "Behind the Scenes" makes more scene. You'll notice as you continue reading this story.

Although boring, waiting backstage is perhaps one of Mark’s favourite things to do. Firstly, he is bubbling with excitement because they are going to perform, all that nervous energy that makes him feel like he could do ten back flips in a row. Performing on stage has to be his favourite thing on the world, but waiting for that moment is a very close one.

It’s not only because of how thrilling it is, even as exhausting as performing and training, but also because they are all together. The seven of them are waiting together, killing time. Some sleep, some play games, some warm up, some just do stupid things. Like that time they played paper, rock, scissors with the punishment of flicking the loser’s forearm. Youngjae’s skin was red and swollen after that, but the boy couldn’t stop laughing all the time, in that loud and contagious way that’s his trademark.

To be honest, Mark always enjoys his time with his band members and best friends. He loves them all so much, he’s always happy and comforted when he’s with them.

Being a foreign isn’t easy, having his family so far away is definitely too hard. He misses his parents, his siblings, his home, but he’s never truly felt lonely because he’s always had the other six members of GOT7. His family, too. Mark has never forced a smile, because they make him happy, they make him laugh and be thankful for having been put in the group.

Even if it’s hard, even if it’s exhausting and sometimes he feels like quitting and wanting to go running back home, it’s worth it at the end of the day. He gets to share his happiness for performing on stage with the other six, crying and laughing together, worrying for each other. Mark feels truly loved, just like he loves them back.

GOT7 is a blessing in his life.

That’s why he loves waiting backstage, too, even if it can be boring for some. He enjoys sharing even that with his best friends knowing soon they’ll be on stage, dancing, singing while fans cheer and do their chants that always echo around and make him feel powerful, invincible.

Mark is really blessed.

Another big reason why Mark loves waiting back stage is because he gets time with Jackson without being monitored. Without fans screaming if they get close or whatever. They can relax and be natural and enjoy those hours before performing. It’s the most he gets to spend with the younger lately, and of course Marks takes whatever he can.

Somehow, like being pulled by gravity, Mark always dances his way next to Jackson, wanting to hear whatever story he is talking about, babbling and gesturing excitedly as he goes on and on. Mark loves hearing Jackson talk, when he laughs in between and seeing that sparkle in his eyes when he watches the other person losing their shit and laughing so hard they cry. Mark loves seeing that pride and satisfaction in Jackson’s eyes as he waits to continue his story.

Mark could watch him like that forever, that little smile that is just so precious.

Without noticing it, Mark always gets closer to Jackson, even if he begins at the other end of the sofa, somehow, he scoots closer. Jackson always reacts naturally, welcoming him next to him and shifting enough to get more comfortable around each other, his hand resting heavy on Mark’s thigh, but oh so comforting. He doesn’t stop talking, but receives Mark next to him and the older loves that, how natural it is to be next to Jackson. The older wraps his arms around Jackson’s waist and rests his chin on his shoulder, still listening to him talk gleefully, flapping his hands like a little bird while totally getting the person in front’s attention. 

Mark closes his eyes and just listens to Jackson talk, feeling the way his muscles move in his abdomen, under Mark’s fingertips. He feels in his own chest against Jackson’s side the vibrations of his voice travelling down his throat and to Mark, and it’s like Jackson were purring for him.

Why is always so warm next to Jackson? That kind of warm that makes you want to curl in bed and stay there forever. Like a cup of hot chocolate in a rainy day by the fire.

The older boy doesn’t even realise when he dozes off, too comfortable and warm wrapped around Jackson. Not even the loud laughter and spams of Jackson while laughing bothered him, it’s Jackson’s hand patting his thigh that stirs him and forces him to open his eyes.

“Tired or was my story that boring?” Jackson asks, smiling kindly at him.

At what point did Jackson lean back and led Mark to cuddle almost on top of him? Not that Mark is complaining, plus, through his still foggy eyes because of sleep he realises that all of Jackson’s attention is on him now.

The older boy stirs a bit, stretching like a cat before cuddling up to Jackson again, even throwing a leg around the younger’s lap. It really looks like Mark is curled around his friend, like an octopus, just with half the limbs but as tightly as one.

“I guess I’m more tired than I expected and you’re just so warm and comfortable, I can’t help it,” Mark smiles, loving the way Jackson wraps his arm around his shoulders, keeping him close.

“Is that your way to tell me my stories are so boring that can’t keep you awake? But in a nice way?” 

Mark can’t help chuckling when he sees Jackson’s suspicious stare, but he can also see how the younger is fighting to keep the straight face.

“I can’t make it sound any nicer,” Mark shrugs and Jackson’s mocked offended expression is so over the top that Mark just laughs, right and high pitched, as usual. “Shouldn’t you be trying to get some sleep? Why do you keep socialising when you have so long to go before the show?”

“I don’t know, I can’t help it?” Jackson replies, resting his head on top of Mark as the older rests his on Jackson’s collarbones.

“You need to sleep more, Gaga. You always get home late and leave early, with all your schedules and such. I know you sleep in the van, but still,” Mark insists because he can’t help being worried over Jackson.

The boy is still loud, funny, energetic and lovable, but he also looks tired and worn out. It was more noticeable when he was platinum blond, as his features looked sharper but also too prominent, rough. Once again with black hair, he looks younger and cuddly in his oversized hoodies, but Jackson still looks exhausted when he’s not smiling.

Despite his cheerful person in front of cameras, Jackson enjoys having serious, deep and meaningful conversations. He’s not always the entertainer everyone sees and loves, he’s a man with concerns and insecurities and fears and so much to say. Jackson is brilliant and with many opinions on different matters. The one quality that is always present is that Jackson loves talking, sharing what he thinks and showing he isn’t just a big mouthed idiot.

Of course he is not. Jackson is beautiful and so clever, Mark loves listening to him talk and talk. It’s soothing and comforting.

Mark has always found solace in Jackson because he’s never felt the need to fill the silence. Sometimes, Jackson also enjoys getting lost in his own thoughts without uttering a sound, and that is as comfortable as when he can’t stop talking to the point people just want to zip his mouth shut. Mark doesn't talk much, he’s not the one to keep conversation or initiate it, but it’s so easy with Jackson. He can carry a conversation on his own, but still make Mark feel part of it. He also can keep Mark talking effortlessly, without even thinking. 

Jackson is so wonderful. 

“Well, I can’t sleep now, though. We perform in like… half hour?” Jackson muses, taking a quick look at his watch to confirm they have indeed thirty-six more minutes to wait.

“Plenty of time to sleep,” Mark replies. “That’s better than not sleeping at all.”

And like that, Mark pushes Jackson to lay down on the sofa they’ve claimed for themselves, and still staying by his side, cuddling, with his leg over Jackson’s lap. The younger doesn’t fight him, instead he gets more comfortable on the sofa and next to Mark.

“But I’m not really sleepy,” Jackson complains after like a minute in silence and Mark rolls his eyes.

“So, want me to sing you a lullaby?” Mark teases and the fact Jackson hums, considering it, makes him pull away just enough to glare at him.

“What about a story then?”

“Because my stories are really boring?” Mark uses the same teasing the younger did before, and Jackson only beams with happiness. “Aish, fine.”

Like a kid, Jackson cuddles up even closer and looks at Mark with big adoring eyes, waiting. All the way, Mark thinks of what he could tell, what story and instead, decides to just amuse Jackson.

“Once upon a time, there was a little boy who shone with energy and charisma, always happy and endearing, he was always the soul of the party,” Mark begins.

“Was he full of swag like me?” Jackson asks and Mark can’t hold his chuckles.

“Of course. He was also like super talented. He was destitute to become a gold medalist fencer. Everyone knew he’d get far and would become a person everyone looked up to and envied. And the boy enjoyed that, but that wasn’t all. Even if he enjoyed playing sports for his country, he had more dreams, other ambitions that no one expected.

“But this boy was braver than anyone else and pursued his dreams, even if they were against everyone’s expectations. He travelled far away and worked hard, harder than ever and never gave up, enduring blow after blow just to get to where he wanted to be.”

Mark smiles and looks up to watch Jackson who keeps a smile on his lips, but looks like he’s dozing off already, clearly more relaxed under Mark’s weight.

“He finally had his chance to show his talent and charisma, his passion, and people, slowly, started to give him the recognition he ardently seeks and henceforth deserves. He’s a true star, as bright as one in the sky. Even brighter when he smiles and laughs, because no one is immune to that. He’s honest and true to himself, hardworking and the kindest soul on the planet. And he’s living his dream and making people happy with his sole existence. He’s truly a golden boy, no matter what he does.

“But the boy makes his family and friends worry, because he works so hard he wears himself out and sometimes even looks sick, like the light in him is slowly lessening. But this golden boy has people who love him to death and even force him to take a break and sleep, who will never leave his side and hold him while he sleeps. He has someone who will guard his dreams and always welcome him back from wherever he’s gone. Someone who loves him and will always be by his side.”

By that point, Jackson is sleeping soundly and Mark smiles content, cuddling a bit closer and closing his own eyes. He can’t help worry about Jackson, so he tries to do little things for his friend, making sure the younger gets a bit more rest, that he eats even if it’s in a rush.

Mark also makes sure to shower Jackson in affection, because a boy who loves so easily also needs love in return. Jackson befriends people quickly and effortlessly, and in return, he has been hurt many times when he realises that the people who he considered friends didn’t feel the same. So Mark is always there to tell them it’s their loss because Jackson is the best friend anyone could ask for.

In all honesty, Mark just wants Jackson to be happy. And if he contribute to that happiness in the slightly, then he’s content. He loves the younger so deeply that he doesn’t need to be _with_ him in the romantic sense. He doesn’t _need_ a relationship (although that would be nice, too), he just needs Jackson to be happy and well. If Mark is by Jackson’s side, then everything is all right. That’s enough to make him happy.

Not all loves end up in a relationship, because not all loves are requited. And it’s fine like that, Mark can love like that on his own, because Jackson loves him back, just not in the _same_ way Mark does, but that’s okay, as well. Mark knows it. Mark accepts it.

How long has he loved Jackson? Perhaps all along, it’s hard to pinpoint the moment the feelings changed, or when he realised he was in love with his best friend. What matters is that Mark loves Jackson and will be there for him, always. Mark will look after Jackson in every way he can, even if it’s telling him bedtime stories or even singing for him to sleep.

Mark loves Jackson so much without being possessive and just giving. That’s how deeply he loves the younger boy. It’s a kind of love he’s proud of because it feels so pure and beautiful. His feelings for Jackson are the most beautiful ones.

If Mark could describe them he’d say they are like the break of dawn, bringing bright colours to a new day, making it all light and beautiful, bringing with it sounds that make one realise the world is such a lively and delightful place. His feelings are overwhelming and enlightening, yet calm and steady, constant.

Mark really, really loves Jackson. And it’s not even a pity Jackson doesn’t love him back like that. It hurts, of course it does, so Mark tries not to think in how unrequited it is but just how whole loving his best friend makes him feel. And how lucky he is for knowing what loving someone like that feels like, and because that person is Jackson. Literally, the light of his days.

Perhaps, that’s Mark’s talent. Loving Jackson so unconditionally. And it’s a good talent, even if it’s behind the scenes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter. The next one is written already so it should come soon (: Please leave a comment or kudos if you liked this.


	3. Accidents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I was scared. I don’t want anyone to get injured ever again,” Mark deflates, feeling so heavy that he can’t help leaning on Jackson, his forehead against the younger’s shoulder as the older breathes in and out, slowly, calming himself down. “Especially you. Please don’t get hurt again.”

Injuries aren’t an uncommon thing for idols. In fact, they are _too_ common. They push themselves to the limit and beyond, hiding any discomfort and pain while keeping the smile on their faces for as long as they are in front of the audience.

Until very recently, Jaebum couldn’t even be with them while performing. It had been such a hard thing to do, going on stage without their leader because he just _couldn’t_ perform. They were all worried sick even if they knew Jaebum was fine and getting his rehab properly, working hard to be back with them. The stage felt empty without him, his voice and his guidance. 

Incredibly how seven guys feel like too much on stage at first and then when one is missing it’s like they don’t know what to do with that space and when the spotlight is on that empty spot, that same emptiness resonates in their hearts.

Mark wishes, fervently, that no one ever again injures so badly in GOT7, that no one has to be taken away like Jaebum was, in such agony, holding his back while doing his best to keep the groaning to himself. Jaebum had been injured before, after that episode of Running Man but it just required a few weeks in a cast and that was it. Mark had never felt that cold fear in his veins like when they were told exactly what had happened to their leader’s spine discs. It sounded horrible and they all knew Jaebum was in a lot of pain, so they tried doing anything to help their leader who even in his condition couldn’t leave them alone.

All of them loved and respected Jaebum, but after that day when he still showed up at the concert, bowed ninety degrees and apologised to everyone, their respect for GOT7’s leader grew to unmeasurable levels.

Mark now lives with a fear that an injury keeps one of them away, indefinitely or even for a long period of time. It’s okay and bearable if they can still be together, even on a stool and just dancing with their hands, as long as they are there. The eldest in the group doesn’t ever want to feel such fear that they might not have one back, that one can’t be with them because he’s in so much pain.

It’s such a horrifying feeling and he doesn’t want to ever experience it.

_Please, everyone stay safe._

But accidents are a common thing when idols go to such extents, when they perform with few hours sleep after days and days of running without a proper break. They might be idols and have to keep the perfect facade in front of cameras, but they are just humans. Most of them still so young. They aren't invincible and they get so tired, to the point they forget the lyrics or screw up during the choreography, having trouble with the return sound or bump against each other. It happens, they all have experienced it, but that doesn’t mean they don’t get awfully worried when it occurs. When they see a nearly accident on stage, when it actually looks serious and not just an oops-I-almost-fell. 

They are all so tired.

And Mark worries so much when Jackson forgets his lyrics, something that they have performed time and time again to the point it comes more naturally than breathing. The fact he forgot them means he’s really having trouble concentrating or his mind is just too overwhelmed.

Mark also forgets lyrics in his own worry because he can also see how Jackson fights his own disappointment and disapproval for his mistake, yet he smiles reassuringly at Mark when he does. 

It’s not fair.

However, that’s nothing compared to the fear Mark feels when he sees Jackson failing a trick. It scares him so much his heart stops and he can’t breath for a whole second until he sees Jackson is fine, smiling sheepishly and not badly injured.

Mark always freaks out when Jackson gets injured, feeling the pain himself and desperate to do anything, even if Jackson reassures him it’s nothing. But the fact Jackson insists it’s nothing worries Mark the most because when it’s actually nothing Jackson whines like a baby.

Like that time he somehow got a wound on his fingers and was all pouty to BamBam, who couldn’t even see the blood on his knuckles. But Mark did and brought a towel for Jackson, in the most discreet way to help. They were on stage, it wasn’t like he could kiss the wound or anything.

Now, when Mark sees Jackson failing the flip, he wants to run; damned be the rest, just to make sure Jackson is fine. Thank goodness he is. Nothing bad really happened but Mark’s heart is at edge for the rest of the concert. Jackson _looks_ fine but that doesn’t mean he didn’t sprain it or that it doesn't hurt. 

A few times, during the rest of the concert, he asks Jackson if he’s okay to which the younger always replies affirmative and begs Mark not to worry. Mark doesn’t listen and worries nonetheless.

By the end of the concert when they can finally go back to backstage, Mark is all over Jackson again.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Does it hurt anywhere? Let me see? You don’t need to look fine anymore,” Mark bombs Jackson with questions, talking fast and his eyes all over the younger boy, searching for any visible damage.

“Mark, I’m fine,” Jackson reassures him, grabbing the older’s arms to steady him and force Mark to look him in the eyes. “No need to look so frantic. It fucked up but I didn’t hurt myself.”

“It’s because you’re so tired,” Mark whines, feeling like his body is being drained of all energy and suddenly it’s such a hard task to stay standing, his body too heavy. 

What a funny thing to say for someone as skinny as Mark.

“Yes, we are all tired,” Jackson agrees but he still wears a smile. “But that was because I was just beating myself up for forgetting the lyrics and didn’t focus properly before the flip. I was being arrogant, I guess, thinking I didn’t need to focus just because I do that all the time.”

“You should focus!” Mark raises his voice, sounding actually irritated which surprises Jackson and the ones around who turn to give him funny looks. “You scared me up there.”

“I’m… I’m sorry?” It’s more of a question than a real apology.

“I was scared. I don’t want anyone to get injured ever again,” Mark deflates, feeling so heavy that he can’t help leaning on Jackson, his forehead against the younger’s shoulder as the older breathes in and out, slowly, calming himself down. “Especially you. Please don’t get hurt again.”

Hesitant, Jackson raises his hand and pats Mark’s back, lightly but comforting. The sequential contact reassures Mark that Jackson is there and fine, he didn’t get injured and he won’t have to step aside, not for even one performance.

Perhaps Mark is being selfish, it would be actually good if Jackson stepped aside for one performance and had a break. But Mark doesn’t want that to happen because of an injury. Never because of an injury.

“I won’t get injured,” Jackson promises after a while. They are getting cold, the sweat on their bodies cooling them off and they should really shower and change or they might get sick. But Mark can’t move, and while he’s like that, neither can Jackson.

“Promise?” Mark pleads, turning his head just slightly to look at Jackson, without actually lifting it. Jackson also turns his head to meet his eyes, so close, their noses almost touching and he’s smiling so beautifully. 

“Promise,” Jackson beams, holding his pinkie.

Mark smiles, and hooks his own with Jackson’s, tightly, looking into his eyes and praying that he can keep his promise and he won’t ever get scared. Not in front of him or away from him.

“You worry so much,” Jackson muses, slowly wrapping his fingers around Mark’s until they are holding hands. It feels so reassuring and grounding, the older is ever so grateful for that.

“It’s because I love you,” Mark blurts out without thinking, too tired, too fearful and too late to notice how the inflection in his voice sounds too much like a confession, a love confession.

Mark realises too late he sounds too much in love when he says that, when he’s that close to Jackson, when he’s looking at him with such adoration and worry at the same time. But Mark can’t even think how to fix that, or to laugh or anything, he is just frozen, staring at Jackson.

And Jackson tenses, Mark feels it on Jackson’s shoulders and the way his fingers squeeze around his own hand, holding it while a slow breath leaves his lips, brushing Mark’s.

The older gulps, scared at the possibility of Jackson realising the love Mark has for him isn’t just platonic and just screwing it all and pulling away. Mark feels that if Jackson actually pulls away in that moment his heart will be torn to pieces and nothing will be able to mend it. He’s never acted on his feelings because he doesn’t want to complicate things, because he can love Jackson on his own, because he doesn’t want rejection, because he doesn’t want anything to change. Everything is too precious for Mark, but now, because he’s too tired, because he was too worn off after the concert and what happened, he can’t filter his words properly. 

Just like he forgot the lyrics, he forgets to camouflage his feelings.

But then Jackson smiles, relaxing once again and Mark’s heart leaps and suddenly he can’t breathe, just waiting for the younger to say anything instead of just staring at him with just warm eyes that make Mark… hopeful.

“I love you too, man,” Jackson says and Mark feels his heart drop to the floor.

Even if they are the same words, even if Jackson says it with a smile, the inflexion of his voice says another thing. That I-love-you is different from Mark’s, it’s a platonic one, it’s just a reply and whether he recognised the confession in Mark’s words or not, he’s decided to disregard them.

And it hurts. It’s a type of rejection, even if it’s done so nicely and gently. It’s a reminder that Mark’s feelings are unrequited, but it also rubs in his face that Jackson loves him, too. Just not like _that._

The older boy forces himself to smile and pull away, but even if he wants to release Jackson’s hand, the younger doesn’t allow it and continues smiling like the sun he is, still making Mark feel butterflies even if he’s just being reminded their I-love-yous are so different. 

Same words, total different meaning.

“Shall we go and wash up now? I didn’t want to say this before, but you really stink,” Jackson laughs, scrunching up his nose.

Marks allows all his hurt to show, but in a more comical way so Jackson thinks it’s because of what he just said and not the rejection. That gives Mark the opportunity to actually let go of his feelings instead of choking on them.

“Let’s go,” Jackson calls, smiling sweetly. “I’m sure I’m gonna crash after I wash up and change, so you better be there.”

“Okay, I’ll be there,” Mark promises, knowing he’ll be the shoulder for Jackson to lean on while he sleeps on the van on their way to the hotel and before they head to the airport, again, for another trip.

It’ll take a while for Mark to overcome the hurt of the moment and stabilise again. Reaching such balance and acceptance of his own feelings is hard, and when that balance is disrupted, it takes a lot of hard work to put things back in their right place. 

But it’s not impossible, it just takes a lot of effort but he can do it. He’s done it before. Mark will put his feelings in perspective and order, will come to terms with them once again and smile happily again, just in love but not aching for not having it back. He can reach that balance again.

Perhaps that’s what he’s good at, loving Jackson and going back tot he calm and contempt of his own feelings after being reminded he’s not loved back. Maybe that’s what he’s great at, living with his own emotions. And it’s a good talent, even if it’s behind the scenes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter (: It's a bit sad, but I promise everything will be fine at the end.
> 
> Please, leave a comment if you did. They make me just so happy.


	4. Sexuality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I really hope we never have to be apart. If any of us is missing, it feels like there’s a hole in my chest. I hate it when one of us is missing,” Mark begins, trying to voice his apprehensions in an eloquent way. “But I could bear with it if we have to part ways, way ahead in the future. But I don’t think I can bear parting ways with you.”

       Being all together is always the best thing. It’s fun and warm and Mark can’t help feeling blessed. Whether it’s on stage or going to eat together, he is always so happy when it’s the seven of them. He loves how loud it is, how they laugh so hard with every stupid thing any of them does.

Mark enjoys it most when Jackson is by his side, his hand occasionally on the elder’s thigh, giving a light squeeze before he’s back to eating. As he watches them all around he can’t help feeling so content with his life, hoping things would never change. 

He takes pictures and videos, he might post something, but at the end, these are all for himself, to look back to those times when he felt so happy.

That happiness leads him to eat too much, but Mark can endure it. However, Jackson isn’t the same. He starts feeling poorly on their ride back. By the time they are home, the younger is looking pale and sweating, so he runs to the bathroom. Youngjae is knocking at the door and telling him to hurry, because he isn’t feeling quite well either.

Mark is worried, of course he is, so while Jackson’s in the bathroom, he makes sure to prepare one cup of the organic green tea Jackson enjoys that would help him settle his stomach. He also runs to get some medicine for food poisoning and wishes he knew how to properly do the acupuncture trick to help his friend. Mark doesn’t dare to prick Jackson’s finger. Instead, he can only buy medicine for the two boys having troubles after eating so much meat.

Without asking, Mark leads Jackson to his room and makes him lean on his bed, giving him the medicine and the green tea that the younger sips at slowly, looking so tired. He’s so pale and there’s a thin layer of sweat over his skin, so Mark has to come with warm towels to wipe it. At least Jackson doesn’t have a fever.

“Why did you let me eat so much?” Jackson asks, more like whines, though.

“Because you wouldn’t listen and say you were starved and needed to eat for a thirty members idol group,” Mark reminds the other boy, sitting by Jackson’s side and watching him carefully.

“Have you seen a group like that?” the younger boy asks and by his expression Mark can tell he’s seriously thinking about it. “How messy would that be?”

“Imagine how many vans you’d need to carry them from one place to the other,” Mark muses, following Jackson’s train of thoughts and not missing the way his expression changes.

When people talk, Mark likes looking at them in the eyes or just giving them his full attention. When Jackson talks, Mark is hypnotised. He can’t look anywhere and everything about the boy is fascinating, and he knows his own expression is adoring whilst he stares at Jackson talking, laughing or doing anything.

Mark doesn’t mind.

“You think they’d fit on a stage? Like M Countdown’s stage?” wonders the boy while still holding the mug, his hands around it comfortably, looking already a bit better after the medicine and warm beverage.

Naturally, they end up talking about the fictitious thirty-members idol group and their performance, what type of music, how they would go around and such. They don’t even know why or how they end up talking so seriously about it, although it’s mostly Jackson telling what he imagines, even coming up with a bit of a song that he’s totally going to sell to that group when it comes.

As they talk, Jackson drinks all his tea and Mark ends up lying next to the younger boy, even under the sheets with Jackson curling to his side, comfortably. By this point, the Jackson looks a lot more like himself.

“How long do you think a group like that would last?” Jackson asks after possibly an hour talking about the group they’ve decided to name TMTC (Too Much To Count).

“Not much. It must be too hard living and working with so many people. I mean, you’d even need like at least three leaders, don’t you think?” Mark answers, trying to do the math to balance their imaginary group.

“How much longer do you think we’re going to last?” Jackson asks then, cuddling a bit closer as if talking about that topic was something that made him feel vulnerable.

Mark tightens his arms around Jackson in response, feeling like that himself.

“Many more years, I hope,” comes Mark’s answer. “I don’t want to stop anytime soon. I love this life. I don’t even move out of the dorm.”

“Me neither,” Jackson admits, taking a deep breath as his head rests on Mark’s chest. “But I know we won’t do this forever. What do you think it’ll happen to us then?”

“Hmm… I’m sure Jaebum will end up as a producer and song writer, Jinyoung is gonna becoming one of the best paid actors. Yugyeom is going to become a choreographer, Youngjae is gonna continue as a solo artist and selling out venues for his concerts. BamBam will probably end up becoming a model or something with fashion, or maybe a MC.” As Mark replies, he can see a future where everyone can continue doing what they love, even if GOT7 can’t keep dancing and singing on stage because they’ve grown too old for it.

“What about us?” Jackson asks next.

“You’ll be the king of variety shows and have your own, something big like Running Man, with many, many seasons.”

“And what about you? What are you going to do?”

Mark can’t reply because he honestly doesn’t know what else he can do. Where else could he belong but not GOT7? Whatever dream he had before wanting to be an idol faded away when he reached this one, but what happens after?

“Maybe I can be your manager,” Mark suggests, shrugging with one shoulder and laughing lightly, although that doesn’t exactly sound like a bad option.

“Oh come on, would you still be by my side in like twenty years?” Jackson teases, lightly slapping Mark’s chest and rolling his eyes.

“Of course,” Mark blurts out. Why wouldn’t he want to stay by Jackson’s side? “Or maybe we could take over ASC and become the permanent MCs.”

“That sounds like fun,” Jackson comments, and Mark knows the younger is imagining it. He can do it, too, and it’s sound actually sweet. He’d like that, so much. He always has fun in ASC, because he doesn’t feel constantly judged for his Korean or pronunciation, he is not scared to mess up because it’s in his first language. ASC is his favourite show, where he feels free. And being there, all the time, with Jackson sounds too perfect. “Markson Show forever.” Jackson beams with happiness, a smile so bright Mark feels his heart doing flips in his ribcage. “But you’d get tired of me.”

“How could I get tired of you?” Mark asks out loud, rolling his eyes as if that was such a stupid thing to suggest.

Jackson shrugs and his expression looks hesitant, almost scared and so insecure, like he actually believes Mark could get tired of him

Sure, Jackson can be too much at times and it becomes exhausting to have him around, but that doesn’t mean Mark could actually get tired of the boy. How? when Jackson is the kindest soul he’s ever met, when he’s always worrying about anyone and making sure they all stay healthy. And not just them in the band, but everyone that’s important to him.

“I really hope we never have to be apart. If any of us is missing, it feels like there’s a hole in my chest. I hate it when one of us is missing,” Mark begins, trying to voice his apprehensions in an eloquent way. “But I could bear with it if we have to part ways, way ahead in the future. But I don’t think I can bear parting ways with you.”

Mark realises he’s perhaps being too honest and exposing too much of what he feels, but he knows Jackson won’t take it as the older’s confessing his undying love, but just showing they are best friends.

“Then you promise to always stand by my side?” Jackson inquires, looking to meet Mark’s eyes that have always been on Jackson, watching him carefully. “Even if I’m annoying and I can’t even shut up and I need more skinship than others because I’m super touchy and clingy?”

“Even then,” Mark assures the other boy, smiling warmly. “I promise.”

“You can’t take it back,” Jackson warns him, holding his finger accusatorially and even squinting his eyes, so Mark ends up laughing at that reaction.

“Sure, but what if then your wife hates me for always being by your side and demands me stay away?” Mark laughs, imagining the situation and for some reason picturing a scene in which a woman who looks uncannily too similar to Jackson for a reason, hands Mark an envelope with money and a ticket back to LA to stay away from Jackson.

It’s late, Mark is just imagining foolish things.

“First, I wouldn’t marry someone who would do that,” Jackson states, almost indignantly.

“And second?” Mark pushes, because Jackson doesn’t add anything to that but his intonation implied there was more to be said.

“Second… there might be no wife in the future.”

“You don’t want to get married and form a family? I thought that was also your dream,” Mark wonders, growing because he always assumed that was what Jackson wanted. It’s why he doesn’t even hurt that much imagining it, because he knows Jackson would be happy and would be an excellent father, and that would be such a beautiful thing to behold.

“Not exactly but because… I might not end up with a woman. I mean, not necessarily,” Jackson explains, his voice low and hesitant and for a second, Mark is surprised.

They’ve never talked about their preferences, not seriously. They all have talked about their ideal type in interviews and such, but it’s not like they can actually date or have the time for it, so it’s never been an issue or a topic to talk about. They are all quite open minded, but they have never talked about their own sexuality.

“Oh,” Mark mumbles, not knowing what to say. Of course he knows he’s not straight, loving Jackson in such an unconditional way. However, he’s never been sure if Jackson is straight or not.

Jackson shifts next to Mark, a bit uncomfortable or maybe flustered. 

“I mean, you don’t fall for a gender, right? You love the person so does it really matter if it’s a man or a woman?” Jackson ponders out loud, but avoiding Mark’s eyes. “I don’t know, maybe I could end up loving a man and wanting to spend the rest of my life with him, or maybe with a woman. I know I’ll love the person for who she or he is, regardless of their gender.”

Mark takes a sharp breath, realising that this means he could actually have a chance with Jackson. That the boy he’s so madly in love could love a man, could love  _him_. It’s not out of the question, it’s not crazy and even if Mark confessed, that wouldn’t gross Jackson out or anything. 

With that realisation, Mark’s heart is sent racing because there’s a certainty he didn’t have before: Jackson could love a man. And with that certainty come an important question: Could Mark become that man?

The older boy can’t help thinking about that, wanting it even more and when Jackson is still in his arms, so close, sharing the same bed, it becomes a burning desire, something that makes Mark long for that possibility that’s more real than ever.

“That’s right,” he agrees, not knowing exactly what to say and afraid to let out too much if he doesn’t keep his mouth shut.

“Regardless,” Jackson chirps, in a bright tone that clearly says it’s time to change the topic and ease the tension. “You already promised so no taking back. You’re stuck by my side, even as my manager.”

Mark laughs, although his guts are still tingling and his heart beating fast, he still laughs at that.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep my word.”

And Mark is sure it’ll be like that. Whether as lovers or coworkers, best friends or anything else, Mark and Jackson will stay together because there’s no way the older will let go of Jackson. Perhaps, that’s Mark’s talent: holding on to Jackson. Maybe it doesn’t add anything to GOT7 but it’s still a good talent, even if it stays behind the scenes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No, it’s time for you to stop making my chest feel so tight, like I can’t breathe. Stop it, please,” the younger continues, holding Mark so tight the older groans, but still doesn’t try to pull away, getting confused and sobering up with Jackson’s rambling.
> 
> “Gaga, you’re really drunk,” Mark insists, patting the younger’s back in a soothing way.
> 
> “And you’re really beautiful,” Jackson replies, pulling back to look at Mark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter. There's one more to go and an epilogue but if you subscribe to my profile (I don't even know how to say that but you know, subscribe to the author) you'll know when I post another story <3

     The day when their (not so anymore) pure and innocent maknae turns twenty comes, and it’s required they celebrate it with loads of alcohol, just because Yugyeom can now legally drink. That’s what he’s been looking forward for a while already, not that he didn’t drink from time to time before, but now he doesn’t need to pretend he is not doing it.

That leaves overly excited Jackson and BamBam planning a birthday party that is basically loads and loads of alcohol because if any of them ends up sober, then it means they failed. Mark is a lightweight, so he knows he won’t need much. Neither won’t Jackson, but Yugyeom and BamBam actually have fast metabolisms and are heavyweights and now that they’ll be free to drink… Mark is a tiny bit worried.

Yet, he still helps to buy the inhuman amounts of alcohol and get food for everyone because like that they can drink for longer. It’s mostly just beer and soju, and meat, insane amounts of meat for the seven of them. The cake was already given, right at midnight when Yugyeom turned twenty and they all came in the maknaes’ room to sing a loud happy birthday. So no cake now, just alcohol and food.

Needless to say, Yugyeom is so happy when he sees everyone will join him and celebrate together and he’s a ball of excitement who keeps singing he’s a man now and they can go hit the bars like real men would do.

Mark can’t stop laughing as Jackson joins them, saying he’ll take the youngsters to the world of men and will always look after their drunk asses. While Jinyoung and Jaebum drink and eat while laughing, Youngjae’s even choking because he laughs too hard, Mark can only stare at them with such fond eyes as he slowly sips his mix of soju and beer.

And as the night passes by and more alcohol is consumed, it gets louder with even Jaebum and Jinyoung joining the crazy antics. Mark is fairly drunk and for that reason, he’s basically stuck by Jackson’s side, giggling and clinging to him while Yugyeom challenges Jinyoung to a real dance off to prove who’s the best dancer.

Jinyoung takes it very seriously.

Youngjae holds Coco because she’s trying to steal the food and it’ll make her sick, while BamBam is talking to Jaebum about the strong possibility to become a stripper because damn, he has such good legs and could earn even more money like that than as an idol and he could buy his mother another house.

And after even so much more alcohol Youngjae crushes and Coco is licking his face, hoping to get rests of food from him, with BamBam giving a free preview of his show and Yugyeom looking scandalised but also saying he could do better.

Why is their maknae so competitive?

And why is their leader even more competitive? Even he joins them and tells them they are all amateurs. 

Jinyoung is enjoying it and recording videos because he’s the only somewhat sober, so he’s the one getting all the blackmail material.

Jackson is on the sofa and Mark is basically on his lap, cuddling against his broad chest while chuckling at the other members.

“You should go and join them,” Jackson mumbles, his hand is lazily playing with Mark’s hair.

“Who?” Coco? Jinyoung? Or the strippers?” Mark asks, nuzzling in Jackson’s neck. 

If he weren’t as drunk as he is, he wouldn’t do that. It’s far too intimate, even for them, but Mark can’t help himself. He just wants to get closer and closer to Jackson.

“The strippers,” the younger replies and Mark can’t help the chuckles that escape him.

“Isn’t enough with three? Look, BamBam is running naked around the house already,” Mark explains, waving his hand at the wild and naked Thai boy running around the dorm. “See?”

“But they aren’t you. I want to see your strip tease.”

Mark is surprised at Jackson’s whining, so much that the older pulls back to stare at his friend. Jackson looks pissed drunk, his face all red and a bit puffy already, eyelids heavy and hair a total mess. Mark is so tempted to run his hands in the black strands.

Getting drunk isn’t good, it makes him bold and greedy, and more touchy and even if he knows there’s a limit he shouldn’t be crossing, he can’t bear to pull away from the Hong Kong native.

“You’ve seen me naked before. We’ve all seen each other naked, there’s nothing new there,” Mark reminds him because it’s true. They’ve lived together for years, of course they have seen each other naked countless times. The first time Youngjae met BamBam he received him naked. If that doesn’t say enough about them, then Mark doesn’t know what would.

“Seeing you naked and seeing you getting naked is a different thing. And seeing you getting naked for _me_ an even more different one,” Jackson explains, blinking slowly and gesticulating with his hands to reinforce his statement.

Mark giggles at that, for some reason thinking it’s just so funny.

The older grabs the collar of his tank top (what’s left of his top garments because it’s gotten so hot with all that alcohol he took off the others) and pulls it down his shoulder, exposing his collarbone and trying to look sexy.

“You wanna see all that?” Mark says, trying not to burst out laughing for what he’s doing, although he’s a bit nervous, he feels butterflies in his stomach at the way Jackson is looking at him.

There’s a loud gasp and when Mark turns to look back, it’s Yugyeom with wide eyes and hands over his cheeks, looking shocked and scandalised at them.

And at that over the top reaction from the maknae who apparently has been paying them attention, Mark burst out laughing so loud it hurts his throat, but he can’t help it. It’s not even funny, but he’s drunk so he laughs and laughs, leaning closer to Jackson and enjoying so much how the younger wraps his arms around Mark, pulling him closer to his body.

At first, Mark doesn’t notice what’s going on, he just knows Jackson’s face is in his neck, his lips against his skin. All the alcohol make the older slow at realising things, like the fact Jackson isn’t just having his mouth there, he’s actually trailing kisses down his neck, slowly, languid even. 

Upon noticing the difference, Mark tenses but he doesn’t pull away, just letting Jackson do whatever he’s doing, shivering a bit when the younger’s lips place a reverent kiss on Mark’s exposed shoulder. And then Jackson is hugging him again, so tightly it hurts, his face buried in the crook of Mark’s neck.

It can’t be just the alcohol why Mark’s head is spinning, perhaps it’s just Jackson what makes him feel this way.

“I didn’t think you could get any prettier. That’s not fair,” Jackson complains, still hugging Mark so tight. His words are barely louder than a whisper and even with all the chaos around, the older can hear him. “But you look even prettier tonight. Does the alcohol make you prettier? What’s your secret? Why are you so beautiful?”

Mark doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t even think Jackson actually expects an answer, so instead the older just hugs Jackson back, as tightly as he can.

“You shouldn’t be like this. It’s so difficult for me when you’re like this, so handsome and just perfect, with your perfect smile and your perfect hair and perfect giggling and perfect eyes and perfect face. Seriously, stop! And then you tease me like that… why?!”

“You’re too drunk,” Mark comments. That’s the only reason why Jackson would be whining like that and saying so many nonsense together. “It’s time for you to go to bed, I think.” 

“No, it’s time for you to stop making my chest feel so tight, like I can’t breathe. Stop it, please,” the younger continues, holding Mark so tight the older groans, but still doesn’t try to pull away, getting confused and sobering up with Jackson’s rambling.

“Gaga, you’re really drunk,” Mark insists, patting the younger’s back in a soothing way.

“And you’re really beautiful,” Jackson replies, pulling back to look at Mark. His eyes aren’t really focused but they are still so intense that Mark’s breath gets stuck in his throat. “So beautiful, my Mark,” he adds in a whisper, cupping Mark’s face with a hand in such a loving and adoring gesture that sends Mark’s heart racing.

When Jackson starts to lean in Mark’s eyes can’t get any wider, jus like he can’t move or say anything but see Jackson getting closer and closer, his eyes focused on Mark’s lips which are so dry so he has to wet them, but it isn’t enough.

Jackson tilts his head, just slightly as his tongue comes out to wet his lips too, making Mark’s head spin in anticipation. He doesn’t dare to form the thought, too caught up in what is happening, in Jackson getting closer and closer.

When the younger is mere centimetres apart and Mark is about to scream, Jackson freezes and all colour leaves his face. His face scrunches up in pain and his hand feels cold against Mark’s burning cheek.

“I’m sorry!” Jackson blurts out, pushing Mark aside to run to the bathroom, leaving the older feeling cold and confused, sprawled on the sofa and blinking to shrug off the stupor.

He takes a look around, knowing Jackson is in the bathroom, noticing Youngjae still sleeping on the floor with Coco on his face, naked BamBam and half-naked Yugyeom having a shots competition to see who passes out first, Jinyoung nursing Jaebum because their leader looks about to get sick, too.

And Mark. Mark is just there on the sofa, still confused as to what jus happened, wondering what exactly just happened. Was Jackson really going to kiss him or was Mark just seeing what he wanted to see? His heart is hammering and he still has trouble breathing, however he feels far from drunk now.

Rising to his feet and feeling lightheaded due to the younger boy, not the alcohol, Mark leaves all his other friends in the living area and goes to look for Jackson, knocking at the door.

“Gaga, you okay?” he asks, just to hear groaning from inside. “Let me in.”

“It’s open,” Jackson groans from inside so Mark can come in to find him hugging the toilet, looking sickly pale and sweaty, so Mark crouches down next to him, patting his back. Jackson smiles for a second before his stomach threatens to get out of him again.

Mark doesn’t dare to think about what happened because he’s afraid of getting his hopes up, and it’s not like he can ask Jackson now why he was saying those things and acting that way. So he puts those thoughts on pause and focuses on helping his friend to feel better.

Once Jackson’s stomach settles enough to leave the bathroom, Mark makes him wash his mouth and takes him to his room, where he puts the younger to bed. But Jackson whines for Mark to get in as well and cuddles up to him like a sick kid would cling to their mother. Mark wraps his arms tightly around the younger.

_Once he feels better. We can talk once he feels better,_ Mark tells himself. He’ll ask Jackson about what almost happened in the morning, when he’s lucid.

Or maybe they’ll pretend nothing happen. Mark will pretend he was also too drunk to remember and continue being the same. He prefers that instead of Jackson being awkward around him, or telling him it was a mistake, that he got carried away but it meant nothing. That would be hurtful. Pretending it didn’t happen is safer and Mark likes to play safe.

For now, he just looks after Jackson because that’s what he’s confident about. Being by the younger’s side, nursing him back to health and keeping the boundaries of their friendship. Mark is a pro at playing safe when it comes to his own emotions, and is that a bad thing? Maybe that’s his talent, even if it only happens behind the scenes.


	6. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry, Mark. I really am,” Jackson pleads again, looking up and showing all his remorse in his sweet eyes.

     

When Mark wakes up the next morning it’s not only with a throbbing headache that makes him want to jump off the window to end his misery, but also strong arms around his shoulders, pulling him close to an equally strong and warm body. The scent is familiar and Mark knows he’s with Jackson in bed before he opens his eyes. His body unconsciously scoots closer, wrapping himself around the younger boy still asleep.

It’s a few seconds later when he recalls the events of the previous night: the alcohol, the nakedness of some members, and Jackson.

Jackson hugging him tight. Calling him beautiful. Struggling. Leaning in for a kiss.

That actually happened, Mark remembers all of it and his stomach is filled with butterflies. With a sober (although aching) head, his heart beats even faster at what could’ve happened. Although he’s grateful that it didn’t happen there and then, with all the others around and both drunk.

Yet… Mark still wonders how kissing Jackson would’ve felt.

His eyes flutter open and he focuses his gaze on the sleeping boy next to him, the relaxed features, the light outlining his profile, making him look eerily beautiful and cute, with his black hair in such a mess, stubble growing and darkening his skin.

Jackson called him beautiful the night before, but Mark thinks Jackson is far more beautiful, breathtaking, mad driving. Mark’s chest aches every time he stares at the younger, feeling like his heart is going to burst.

In the daylight of a new day, Mark wonders if Jackson said those things out of envy. It’s not a secret Mark is considered the visuals and Jackson is extremely insecure because he’s always comparing himself with the others. Does Jackson feel angry when he compares himself with Mark? That actually breaks the older’s heart, that Jackson has to make such comparisons.

_But Mark’s face is so small and mine is like twice larger!_

_BamBam’s legs are so long and mine are so short!_

He’s always doing that, and even if it sounds like a joke, Mark knows Jackson feels the others are more handsome than him. Mark doesn’t know how to make Jackson think otherwise. He wishes he could tell that in Mark’s eyes, there’s no one more handsome and perfect than Jackson.

But that’s not something he’s going to do. Even if he’s dying to know what it would feel to actually kiss Jackson, he knows the topic shouldn’t be brought up. If things get awkward, Mark won’t even be able to cuddle or have skinship with Jackson, and that would break not only his heart but also his soul.

So Mark does what he’s best at: stay quiet.

The older doesn’t make a sound, just stays lying in Jackson’s arms, enjoying the moment until the younger stirs with a groan, announcing he’s also awake. Mark takes a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever will happen.

Jackson takes a few seconds to stir, stretch and open his eyes, and when he does, he immediately focuses on Mark. Five heartbeats, that’s for how long Jackson just stares at him as if putting the pieces together of all that happened.

Slowly but surely, a smile comes to Jackson’s lips and Mark’s heart is beating wildly, not knowing how to take that expression.

What if Jackson does remember? What if what almost happened actually means something and it wasn’t just the younger being drunk?

The possibility is making Mark’s head spin.

“How much did we drink last night?” Jackson asks in a low and hoarse voice, raspier than usual. “My head is killing me.”

Cue to his words, he winces and presses his fingertips against his left temple, massaging softly while his other arm is still around Mark, keeping the older close.

“A lot, but not as much as the others,” Mark replies because even with the headache, his memories are clear. He wasn’t _that_ drunk.

“How did I end up in your bed again?” Jackson asks next and Mark does his best to stop the jab of disappointment and hurt from making him wince. He isn’t sure if he succeeds. 

“You don’t remember?” It’s not nice to ask, Mark feels sick to the stomach and wants to scold himself for having hopes when he knew he shouldn’t have. He told himself, he warned himself not to expect Jackson to remember, to expect the opposite and want that because it was the best.

And yet, here he is, wanting Jackson to remember and actually mean what he almost did.

But Jackson doesn’t remember, he just shakes his head and watches Mark, expectantly waiting for an answer that the older doesn’t know how to word yet, his heart is aching too much.

“You drank a lot,” begins the older boy. “Whined a lot about unfair matters and then got sick and threw up. Not on anyone, though, you made it to the bathroom.”

Jackson’s face tenses, his whole body does, as if he didn’t expect that answer, as if he disapproved of it.

“That’s all?” Jackson asks, his eyes so intense. Mark feels his heart wants to burst out of his chest, and suddenly, they are too close and Mark can’t take it anymore, so he pulls back, away from Jackson. 

It’s cold without their bodies pressed together, but it’s better than the suffocating feeling that he’s being caught lying. He hasn’t, though, that’s what happened. It’s not all, but it’s not a lie.

“I brought you here and you made me get in bed with you,” Mark continues, sitting on the mattress and breaking the eye contact, trying to calm down. “Are you feeling better? No upset stomach?”

“Hmm,” Jackson hums, not really an answer but Mark doesn’t want to look at him and see his expression, so instead, he just leaves the mattress.

“I’m gonna shower. Should I make hangover soup?” Mark asks, heading for the door without looking back at Jackson.

“Mark, are you really telling me everything that happened?” Jackson asks and Mark tenses, balling his fists at his sides, trying to keep himself together. The older can’t bring himself to lie and say that he’s indeed sharing all what happened when he’s definitely not doing that, so he does not know what to say. “Are you mad at me? Is that why you’re pretending it didn’t happen?”

Mark can’t breathe as he realises Jackson does remember, he just pretended not to know, but Mark doesn’t want to think why he’s done that. Doesn’t dare to come up with an explanation himself. 

“Mark, if you’re I’m sorry I…” Jackson begins, but he chokes in the words and Mark still doesn’t turn around. “I know saying I was drunk isn’t a good excuse, I should’ve… had better control. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

“Why?” Mark asks, barely a whisper as he closes his eyes and clenches his fists tighter, trying to keep himself together.

“Do you want me to say it to make it even more awkward?” Jackson retorts. “Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen and—”

“No. I mean why did you pretend you didn’t remember?”

Mark’s breathing is slow and controlled, he’s focusing deeply on that. In and out. If he doesn’t do that, his emotions will get out of hand.

“I just… wanted to know if you… would tell me,” Jackson mumbles. “I was a dick for doing that, wasn’t I?” the younger asks and Mark can hear the ruffle of his hands through his hair, even if he doesn’t turn.

Slowly, the older turns around to look at Jackson, finding him with crossed legs on the mattress, looking disheveled but still so handsome, in _his_ bed. Mark takes a deep breath, although he feels his throat has closed up and nothing can go past it. He just stares at the boy on his bed, who’s struggling as well.

“I’m sorry, Mark. I really am,” Jackson pleads again, looking up and showing all his remorse in his sweet eyes.

“You should be,” Mark blurts out. “You know how much it hurts thinking you don’t remember?” he continues, not missing how Jackson’s expression starts to morph into a confused one, not just regretful. “Scratch that. You know how that messes me up? That you almost kiss me and then pretend you don’t remember? What do I do with myself if you do that?!” 

The fact Mark is snapping isn’t good, it means he’s losing control of his emotions and sharing more than he should. The emotions he’s kept hidden for so long. Right now, he’s not playing safe, he’s exposing himself and looking pathetic both at the same time.

“I know you were drunk so I’m not going to hold you responsible for that… but if you pretended not to remember, you should’ve continued that until the end! Not let me know you do remember because now I don’t know what to think or how to take things. I don’t know anything and I can’t—”

Mark can’t finish his sentence, too frustrated and overwhelmed so he spins on his heels, giving his back to Jackson and ruffling his hair desperately, trying to put things in order in his head, but it’s too hard. His heart is hammering and he can barely breathe, so he starts pacing because what else can he do?

The boy wants to scream, punch something or anything that can help him get rid of the giant knot in his chest that doesn’t let him breathe or think. It’s like he’s drowning and he feels weak. His knees give out and he ends up crouching down, face between his knees and arms over his head, hiding him.

A hand on his shoulder startles him, making him lose his balance and fall to the floor, landing on his bum and automatically looking up, meeting Jackson’s eyes.

“Mark…” Jackson begins, taking deep breaths and looking like he’s having a battle with himself. “I tried to kiss you not because I was drunk.” 

“Then why?” Mark whines, hating how shaky his voice comes out.

“Because I always want to kiss you and as I was drunk, I couldn’t stop myself. I did things I wouldn’t do while being sober not because I was drunk, but because I didn't have the judgement or strength to control myself.” Mark takes a sharp breath in and even if he wants, he can’t look away, he’s trapped in Jackson’s stare as the younger boy kneels in front of him, one hand on Mark’s knee, burning and heavy “And I’m only saying this now because you look like… you sound like…”

“I love you,” Mark blurts, unable to stop himself, the words leaving his mouth before he even thinks about them, before his brain even recognises them. Out, just like that.

Jackson’s eyes widen and he also takes a breath in and then fear settles in, darkening his expression.

“Don’t tell me it’s just as friends because if you do, I might just cry. I swear,” Jackson whispers, looking actually vulnerable and afraid, oh so afraid. “Because I love you like a friend, but not only that. I’m actually in love with you and if you tell me you only love me as a friend I don’t think I c—”

Mark doesn’t let Jackson finish the sentence, lounging forward, arms desperately wrapping around the younger’s neck and just jumping in his personal space, tackling him. Jackson falls backwards, receiving all the impact and saving Mark from any harm, wrapping his own arms around Mark’s slim frame, keeping him tightly against his own body. The older boy buries his face in Jackson’s neck, trembling with the intensity of his own emotions and holding on to Jackson for dear life.

“I love you, too. I love you, so much I can’t even express it properly. I love you,” Mark repeats, like a broken record, feeling close to tears which is laughable, but he can’t help himself. And with every I love you, Jackson holds him tighter, his strong fingers burying in Mark’s back. “As a best friend, as a man. I love you,” Mark continues, snuggling closer just as Jackson does the same, pulling his face closer to Mark.

Mark feels Jackson’s lips on his ear, his temple, the corner of his eye, wherever he can reach as if calling for the older to move, to show him his face.

And Mark does.

He unburies his face and looks at Jackson in the eyes, seeing an unmeasurable happiness swirling in his dark eyes, a beautiful smile tugging at his lips and just looking like that most beautiful man on Earth in that moment.

So Mark can only kiss him, there, while lying on the floor, with headaches that are nothing compared to the pounding of their hearts, not caring about the morning taste in their mouths from all that drinking. They just kiss as they hold on to the other, and Mark can feel in Jackson the same longing that’s choked him for years already, the same burning and consuming love. Mark kisses Jackson and knows that the younger loves him back, he really does, and has done for a long time, too. Mark is certain in the way they hold on to the other, in how they are desperate but also reverent, savouring every second of it.

The kiss turns slow and more careful as the realisation this is happening sinks in. As they realise they don’t have just this moment but a whole future ahead. They kiss with the hope of a future together, in each other’s arms with their feelings in the open and not trapped in the confines of their own fears.

They kiss like two people in love.

And when they pull apart, they smile at each other so brightly that the sun pales in comparison. And as Mark gets lost in Jackson’s smile, in that happiness and excitement, he realises it is him the one making Jackson smile like that. He’s the one bringing that to his lips, just like Jackson is making him deliriously happy right now. So Mark realises that’s perhaps his best talent, the thing he’s most proud of: making Jackson smile like he’s the sunshine in his life. And it’s the best talent, as long as Jackson is happy with him, even if it’s behind the scenes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *giggles* Did you enjoy that? I hope so. I'm so happy with every comment and how you guys have enjoyed the story so far. There's only the epilogue left that I'll post probably tomorrow. I'm also considering doing a bonus with Jackson's POV as someone requested that.
> 
> We'll see (:
> 
> Subscribe to receive notifications of when I post a new story and don't forget to leave a comment, these make me so happy.


	7. Epilogue: Behind the Scenes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know I love you, right?” Mark asks, not getting tired that he doesn’t need to hide that anymore.
> 
> “Just like I love you,” Jackson confirms, making Mark smile back.

Behind the scenes of a photoshoot, the boys of GOT7 play around or get some rest. Their schedules continue being hectic and too packed, but even in all the stress and non-stop activities, they find time to laugh and have fun. 

Like how Yugyeom decides to dance while he waits for his turn and Youngjae joins him, which ends in exaggerated dancing and laughing, extremely loud laughing. Mark can’t help the fond smile when he hears Yugyeom’s explosive and mocking laugh that only comes in special occasions. It’s just endearing and too funny, filled with mirth and mischief. 

That insolent maknae. He’s still so lovable, though.

BamBam is the only one having his pictures being taken at the moment, Jinyoung is killing time by reading the latest book he bought and Jaebum seems to be working on something. Probably lyrics or the melody for their upcoming comeback.

Jackson… his beautiful Jackson who now is his boyfriend, is just lying on the floor, arms and legs spread as if it were a bed instead of the cold hard ground. And Mark is by his side, kneeling and watching him with all the love he feels shining in his eyes.

Of course they are official now, although it’s secret. Everyone in GOT7 knows, their CEO and manager, because they cannot not tell them. The rest of the group wasn’t even surprised when Jackson dragged Mark out of the room, holding his hand and with the widest grin.

“WE ARE OFFICIAL!” he screamed, raising their hands together like after a matching box. They looked disheveled and there was a little bruise on Jackson’s neck, but that was definitely not because of a boxing match.

“Fucking finally!” BamBam exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air dramatically. “I couldn’t take hyung’s whining anymore. ‘Mark is so beautiful and it’s killing me?’ ‘Why doesn’t he love me back?’ ‘What do I do? Should I confess?’ ‘I feel like my chest is going to burst out when he hugs me.’” 

Mark was so shocked as he listened to BamBam quoting Jackson, while the younger was going tomato red and gaping at the Thai boy.

“YAH!” 

“Do you want me to say the other things you’ve said? They are far more humiliating and inappropriate, remember?” BamBam threatened, arching one eyebrow and that was enough to make Jackson shut up and drag Mark back in the room and away from their friends who just laughed.

Until today, Mark hasn’t managed to make BamBam share those other quotes, wanting to know how Jackson actually felt before they got together. Of course he’s asked Jackson, when his feelings changed, for how long he’s felt like that, but Jackson filters information to make himself look good.

“I think by the time we debuted I was already crushing on you, like bad. I thought it was a guy crush, but you don’t want to kiss your guy crush, right?” Jackson replied when Mark asked for how long he’s felt like that for him. “I don’t know exactly when I realised I was in love. I only know I was in bed and I couldn’t sleep, and you were having a bad dream, I think, because you wouldn’t stop tossing and turning, and groaning, so I went to your side and started stroking your hair. You relaxed and your breathing evened, and I was just staring at you, relieved I could help you and just wanting you to always be happy. I was there, just wishing to be always by your side and it just hit me: Man, I’m in love.”

Mark felt butterflies even in his toes as Jackson told the story, imagining the Hong Kong native looking after him when the older was sleeping, without realising the younger had been there for him all along.

Nowadays, not much has changed yet a lot has. They haven’t gotten back to room together, but Jackson does end up many times in the same bed as Mark, after coming from an extra long day of more schedules than anyone else in the group, dead tired and just wanting to cuddle Mark, who’s always awake, waiting to welcome him home.

They are still as close as before, but now they don’t need to hold back because they aren’t just friends anymore. If Mark wants to kiss Jackson, he can. If he wants to say how beautiful and wonderful he thinks the younger is, he can say it without being weird and just getting a high pitched scream and Jackson screaming his fingers are all curled because Mark is too cheesy.

They are still the same.

But they are different because they are together now, because they love each other freely and gross the others out with their display of affection in the dorm, that works perfectly when they want to watch a movie alone and want the others to leave without saying a word. It just takes Mark to climb on Jackson’s lap and kiss his cheek to get one of the maknaes to shriek and leave. A kiss on the lips to make Youngjae leave and making out for JJ Project to decide they have better things to do.

It’s so beautiful to be in love with Jackson and to be able to express that freely. Mark didn’t know how much he needed to say it, to tell Jackson how he felt and how much happier he could be by holding Jackson’s hand proudly, honestly, lovingly.

Now he stares at his boyfriend, about to fall asleep if not already asleep and he just feels this overwhelming love consuming him, spreading from his chest to the rest of his body because he’s just so thankful the most wonderful boy on Earth loves him back.

Tenderly, Mark cups Jackson’s face with his hand, softly running his thumb over the cheekbone. He scoots a bit closer, moving so he’s in a better angle to continue caressing the younger’s face, hovering  over Jackson’s face but watching him upside-down. It reminds him of that old Spider-man movie and the upside-down kiss, and because he has that scene in his head, Mark can’t help leaning down until his lips land on Jackson’s.

It’s just a peck, light and sweet before he pulls back to stare at Jackson again, but when he does, the younger has his eyes open this time.

“You’re awake,” Mark mumbles, smiling sheepishly and still cupping Jackson’s face. The younger doesn’t move, just stares at the other boy with curious eyes.

“Do you think I’m Sleeping Beauty?” Jackson asks, making Mark chuckle lightly.

“I was thinking Spider-man, but that works, too,” the older replies with a little shrug.

“Hold on, who am I supposed to be in that setting? Mary Jane or Spider-man?”

Mark can’t help laugh at Jackson’s curiosity, because of course that matters. Mark rolls his eyes at the younger boy, lightly patting his cheek.

“Does it matter?” 

“Hm, not really,” Jackson replies, his smile returning and making him look so adorable, still looking up to meet the older’s gaze. “I still think you should kiss me again, though. I’m sure the kiss in the movie is more than a peck.”

Jackson gives him a cheeky grin that makes Mark chuckle, and he’s still at that as he leans down, still smiling as he kisses Jackson who wraps a hand around the older’s neck, keeping him in place as he deepens the kiss, taking his time to savour the moment and how right it feels.

When they break the kiss, Jackson gives him one of those dashing smiles that make Mark feel like there’s something living in his stomach. Even after so long next to Jackson, the older still reacts like a teenager running into their crush and having that one smiling back at them.

“You know I love you, right?” Mark asks, not getting tired that he doesn’t need to hide that anymore.

“Just like I love you,” Jackson confirms, making Mark smile back.

Everyone has a talent, Mark thinks, some of them are made for the stage, and some have other talents that are more private, but not for that less important. Mark has many talents, but the most important one is loving Jackson. There’s no one who can do that better and Mark is infinitely proud of what he can do. He loves his Jackson with all his soul and hopefully one day it won’t stay just behind the scenes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over! I want to thank every single person who read this, you made me so happy with your excitement and loving words. 
> 
> I do have a new idea I'm going to write soon for another Markson fic, so if you're subscribed, then you should get a notification when that happens.
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to ilovewangpuppy for providing the clip that inspired the scene in this epilogue. She requested for it and here it is. I hope it made you happy (:
> 
> Bel, xx


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